Have you ever wanted to be like a stubborn 2 yr old and just stand your ground and say, ‘no’? And not like any toddler, I mean like a really strong-willed one that just isn’t gonna budge on his own. That’s exactly what my attitude is reminding me of right now…just plain, ‘no’ I don’t want to do this…I don’t want this surgery…I don’t want this baby coming early…I have other plans…NO, NO, NO!
Unfortunately, I am an adult, and although I am stubborn and controlling and independent and selfish, etc, etc, etc… I guess there is a point when reality is responsibility and it just wins and life is cruel whether you are 2 or 30 or 75. And I know God loves me, even in my stubborn questioning and He will take care of me and be with me through it. And I know I should consider this trial pure joy and it will bring about refining character that I need. So….I guess this is where the adult in me must choose to treasure what I have been given, to not fear the unknown and to joyfully and purposefully engulf myself in each day ahead. Instead of being the 2 yr old kicking and screaming my way through life’s obstacles, which is so easy to do.
Today, was the oncologist appt. It was good to see her, if only I didn’t have the reasons that I do to visit her. We went over a few questions and details of the surgery. Way too much information if you ask me. When I left there I had no date of delivery/surgery, but tonight I noticed they emailed me a tentative pre-op schedule. So unless the MRI on Monday changes anything, our D-Day is July 26. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Just kidding…kind of.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You that You love me beyond who I am and what kind of attitude I have. I know Your love is bigger than the mountains that I face and it is constant in the trials and the change. Help me to see You in everything, good and bad. I pray that I would joyfully embrace each day as a precious gift and the people You place within those days as Heavenly blessings. I don’t want to miss the good because I fear the bad. You are all, You are in all, and You conquer all. Thank You for the work You do in me. I love you. Me.